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Germany
Home land of the German people, Germany is known for being fairly small yet ambitious, unlike Switzerland, which is smaller, neutral, and cheesier. They have the unfortunate luck of having France as a next-door neighbor. This probably explains their sense of humor deficiency. Ja to Europe Germany is a member of the European Union. It is part of the Old Europe. The country was being increasingly dominated by Greens, socialists and Nancy boys. But the election of conservative Angela Merkel in 2005 has put a freeze on this alarmingly Un-American trend. Nein to bears Germany is one of the few countries on Earth to have effectively eradicate all wild bears from within its borders. To preserve this status, the bear "Bruno", who migrated into Germany, was shot on 26 June 2006. The Germans do, however keep a lone polar bear, called Knut. But apparently only so their people can be reminded of what these God-less Killing Machines look like. This erradication of bears is something that all true Americans should be applauding. We need to erradicate the evil liberal bears in our nation too, and then in the rest of the world. It has been predicted that Germany will be one of the surviving nations of the Great Bear Uprising, along with the U.S. and Britan. Modern times Germany have become a bunch of sissies. Did you know it's illegal to piss standing up? >:( qo3o4nfiG7A Unfortunately, the Germans have misplaced most records of anything that happening from 1914 to 1920, and all records from 1935 to 1945. In 1933 an austrian man named Adolf Hitler had the dream of becoming the Führer of Germany. He even started his own political party (because he couldn't win with the other parties), called the NSDAP, or Nazi Party. According to German records, the party was mainly interested in drinking beer and hiring tall blonde strippers, but nothing ever became of the young Adolf or his Nazi Party. Although there are no records of Germany from 1935 to May 1945, it is rumored that Germany invaded France in 1940 with a tank and a hot German frau, seized it in less than 2 days and controlled over half of the country until 1945. In 1989 the Berlin Wall, which divided the Democratic Berlin and the Communist Berlin for 40 years, was demolished. This was due to Ronald Regan threatening to prevent David Hasselhoff from ever visiting Germany again. Germany and Dr. Stephen T. Colbert Regrettably, the truthiness has not yet permeated Germany completely. This might be due to the fact that they speak a totally un-American language that sounds like barking. It could also be because the Socialits are in power right now. While they air John Liebowitz' (Jew!) leftist Daily Show, The Colbert Report is only available by illegally (for them) visiting American websites. Also, Germany is not going to be America, too, anytime soon. According to amazon.de, it is taking as long November 1 for the wisdom to pass German Customs. Newsflash: The first ever copy of the only book anybody should really "read" (only with their gut) arrived on German soil on Oct 17, 2007! Mark this historic day! Germany is America! Famous German exports * The Scorpions - one of the worlds greatest Heavy Metal bands * Beer * Jews * Protestant Christianity * Armies * Mad-cow disease * Heidi Klum * Cyborg governors (yeah, he's Austrian... part of Greater Germany) * Overpriced cars * Fermented cabbage * The Holocaust * Nazi Comic Books German Pastimes German People love to do the following: * Invade France * Forget certain time periods * Drink beer * Secretly prefer English when talking amongst themselves * Take pride in composers that are actually American (i.e. Beethoven, Mozart, Bach) * Eat fried pig testicles, their main export after Jews * Invent quantum electrodynamics, only to be beaten to the first atomic bomb by the Americans (using German scientists who were too scared to stay in Germany). * Yell * Drink Jaegermeister, which contains deer blood and tyranny * Wear leather shorts with socks and sandals (but not in a kinky way) * Build walls decorated with razor wire, watchtowers and searchlights * Invent art that has no meaning (Dada movement, German Rap, and David Hasselhoff) * Nail proclamations to church doors, then make books about it to piss off the Vatican * Yodel and "study" goat husbandry * Complaining about how America has too much influence and their culture becomes "americanized" (they should celebrate!) * Watching American television, but the actors mumble unintelligible foreign words (might be German) * Emigrating to America (Switzerland does not count, part of Greater Germany) * Eating out American * Demonstrate against completely reasonable things like war, global warming, social welfare cuts, not enough rights for women, etc. * Go on strike * Getting molested by an American President. see: Angela Merkel